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2006: Greg Budell's O-Bitchuary

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Posted January 15, 2007.

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O-Bitchuary is the second in a series of true

Joyce Kaufman and Greg Budell at a WJNA promotion, 2004.
stories, previously published in Parkland Life magazine, by long-time Miami deejay Greg Budell, who is now serving in exile at two radio stations way up north in Montgomery, Alabama. (That was ad-lib. He didn't know I was going to say that, Alabama readers. Honest! I was just kidding.)

In January 2007, a year after surgery, Budell says that he's "in absolutely the best shape since the back problems started 4 years ago. Lost all the weight too."

His first story on this site was the hilarious Parton Me, which tells the story of when he painfully emceed for Dolly Parton at the Dade County Youth Fair in 1982, just hours after OD-ing on Ex-Lax.

Thanks, Greg!


Greg Budell's O-Bitchuary

(Montgomery, AL -- January 1, 2006) ... By the time you read this I could be dead, or at the least -- permanently screwed.

On the 5th of this month, I will undergo tricky surgery that will fuse my 4th and 5th lumbar vertebra together with titanium screws. The procedure will set free my sciatic nerve which has been squashed between those two bones for years, causing constant pain.

Greg Budell at famour WLS in Chicago.

Here's the tough part. There are inherent risks in any major surgery and I must prepare for them. Thus, I am using my column to make public my Final Wishes.

We're talking King Arthur's sword buried-in-the-side-of-my- keyster pain. The sciatic is the body's longest nerve, running through the epicenter of the butt cheek, down the side of the leg, through the knee to the instep and about 6 inches into any surface you might be standing on.

The entire nerve has been inflamed since an accident 2 years ago. It's like living with a 3 foot impacted tooth attached to the hip and no federally controlled substance helps- and the ones that might (Oxycontin) I have declined.

EVEN WORSER!- the relentless grimacing with this condition has caused excessive wrinkling around my eyes, and one additional forehead furrow which now require occasional botox injections.

I am a mess.

The doc says the procedure will eliminate the pain, but I'll be a "little stiff" in my lower back. I am not sure what it means but I am ready to deal with it, even if it means I will take on the posture of an Amish widow for a while.

I have been told to stop smoking so the screws knit properly, and I have already spent enough time in my life being accused of running around with a screw loose- so I will quit.

Here's the tough part. There are inherent risks in any major surgery and I must prepare for them. Thus, I am using my column to make public my Final Wishes.

To Mindi Rudan: when you publish the "Greg Budell Memorial Issue" of the magazine, please use that photo from the Sun-Sentinel magazine dated November 3, 1986. You can go on line to purchase it for only $5, and Sam in the Graphics Department can scan it on to the cover.

Further, please do not get carried away and put bunny ears or football helmets on my head. When you see the actual photo, you will realize there was one day in my life when I was really good looking.

A very young Greg Budil in Chicago, before he changed his name to make it easier for listeners to remember.

For the obituary, when it comes to the part "Greg leaves behind …", please use the following:

" .. 3 ex-wives, 2 of whom (first and third) he still loves (somewhat), and the second one whom he will meet in hell if that's where he is sent. Greg also had 5 former fiancés including the impossible one introduced at last year's Rascal's concert in Parkland.

"… Greg had one daughter, Janelle (The Goose), who will be 16 next month. Before the surgery, Greg was confident that if he survived the procedure, a heart attack from worrying about her driving would have killed him anyway".

For the biographical portion of the obit:

"Greg had a very co-dependent relationship with the local radio industry, having worked for 72 different call letters, some more than once. When he was good looking, he also worked for channel 10 doing inane features on subjects like the Dancing Raisins".

That takes care of the important personal information. Now it's time to put my affairs in order.

I, Greg Budell, being of sound (?) mind, do bequeath the following:

  1. To that Greek chick in Cooper City, I leave a full pack of Marlboro menthol lights as a reminder that your inconsistent behavior would have killed me if the surgery, smoking and my daughter's driving hadn't. I hate you. No I don't. I love you. I don't know.
  2. To Joanne, my partner for years on LOVE 94, I leave a framed copy of my Memorial Issue as a reminder. You were right. I should have married you. Then I wouldn't have met that stupid Greek chick, would have quit smoking and never been in a position to have the accident that ended in the surgery that killed me. Wait a minute. If I had married you, I would have never married Michele, and therefore, would have never produced The Goose. Well, at least know that you were as good as "it" gets, and you know what "it" is.
  3. To Rob Sidney, my boss at 101.5 LITE FM. I want you to have back the purple neck tie with the little guitars you gave me for Christmas a couple years ago. While it is the finest quality tie in my collection, I could never figure out what to wear it with. Keep it as a reminder that sometimes giving a dubious character like me has a payoff. You were the best boss I ever had in radio and the only one who was smarter than me.
  4. To the rest of the A-%$#*S I worked for- I leave the nail from my left middle finger, equally sectioned. Store it where you will!
  5. Save a piece of that finger nail for that Greek Chick.

As far as my remains, please cremate me, but set my head on fire first. I always threatened to do it and this will be my chance to keep a promise. Then kindly take the ashes and put them in the drinking water of my last employer.

Greg Budell, hanging around on an Alice 96.1 (WQKS-FM) billboard somewhere around Montgomery, Alabama last fall.

Good. Now I feel better. Prepared, in case the Grim Weeper pays a visit to Baptist Hospital (never went to their churches but hear their medical facilities are excellent!) in Montgomery, Alabama on January 5th.

In the meantime, let me take this opportunity to wish you and yours a joyous Happy New Year!

Even if mine is only 5 days long!


Search the site for the other places Budell is mentioned:

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Page hatched on: January 15, 2007
Originally published in: January 2006

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