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Herman Cain To Be Regular Guest Host on Howard Stern Show (April 1, 2011) ... King of all media Howard Stern has selected Herman Cain to be a regular guest host on his Sirius XM program when he is on leave or ****ing around. "A Sirius black guest host could help ratings when the master of all media is gone, especially among the tea party Muggles" explained Stern. No comment has been received from Hogwarts. Remember, this is the 2011 APRIL FOOL'S EDITION! New Trends In Radio Accounting (April 1, 2011) ... Rumors are that a small local radio chain plans to use US government's questionable accounting principles to get ahead in the broadcasting business. They plan to buy Comcast as soon as they can find a printer who prints money. NPR Donation Trends Change (April 1, 2011) ... At NPR, donations from Saudi Arabia, Iran, ACORN, Libya, the Muslim Brotherhood, and Reverend Wright's racist Chicago church have skyrocketed since an NPR fundraiser referred to NPR as National Palestinian Radio. "We knew it all along" commented Wright. "But we was just waiting for them to confirm it." WWNN's Steve Kane May Throw Hat Into Ring (April 1, 2011) ... WWNN talker Steve Kane is reportedly considering a run against DWS (Debbie Wasserman Schultz) for congresss in 2012. Ironically, Kane is one of the few public figures who pisses off WFTL talker Joyce Kaufman more than Wasserman Schmutz does and vice versa. Sidekick Brian Craig denies a rumor that he might run against Barney Frank. Remember, this is the 2011 APRIL FOOL'S EDITION! But the ADS are real. Please CLICK or even BUY! White Muslins Ad Causes FCC Complaint (April 1, 2011) ... One local brokered station is in hot water with the FCC because they inserted spots for a January White Sale immediately before a brokered program for the Muslim Brotherhood. "We thought it was MUSLIN brotherhood and had no idea that the word 'white' would be so offensive to them!" said an assistant sales manager who requested anonymity. Glenn Beck Hires Randi Rhodes (April 1, 2011) ... Glenn Beck has hired Randi Rhodes to be his new sidekick and comic relief, hoping to attract the far-out wacko progressive extremists who are becoming dissatisfied with President Obama's "moderate" policies. When told that Randi Rhodes has never yet exhibited a sense of humor, Beck replied "we're laughing AT her." Beck is reviewing old tapes of Soupy Sales to get ideas for Rhodes. Craig Crossman Promoting GEICO (April 1, 2011) ... Computer America host Craig Crossman will soon be doing radio commercials for GEICO, telling listeners that they can save "hundreds, even thousands" on their car insurance, while wearing a silly gecko costume. Remember, this is the 2011 APRIL FOOL'S EDITION! OLDIES BUT GOODIES! April Fool Favorites From Previous Years Of Radio News Osama Drops Political Bombshell on NPR (Washington, DC -- April 1, 2007) ... Illinois Senator Barack Hussein Osama dropped an unexpected campaign bombshell on the Hollywood establishment and his party today on NPR's All Things Considered. Since his presidential campaign unexpectedly peaked a year too early, he will be changing his name to Borat, to take advantage of the advertising when the popular movie of the same name is released on DVD. "It's only fair" said Osama. "Hillary is expected to call herself Dennis Rodman for political advantage during basketball season." All Things Considered is heard on WXEL 90.7 and WLRN 91.3 in south Florida. Todd Schnitt Project Nearing Completion (San Antonio, TX -- April 1, 2007) ... With firings by Clear Channel continuing at a frantic rate, industry observers suggest that their Todd Schnitt Cloning Program (first mentioned in Radio News in 2003) is near an end, and that all Clear Channel airwaves will soon be full of Schnitt. In a project inspired by Spock's Brain , an episode of Star Trek, all Clear Channel personnel will ultimately be controlled remotely from a console connected to Schnitt's Brain, at WFLA in Tampa. Therefore, the correct terminology for these Clear Channel on-air personnel will technically be Schnitt for Brains. Remember, this is the 2011 APRIL FOOL'S EDITION! But the ADS are real. Please CLICK or even BUY! Oldies WMXJ Again Pares Playlist (April 1, 2005) ... WMXJ music director Mindy Lang announced today that oldies station Majic 102.7 will once again redefine oldies as of July 1, 2005. "A few years ago we eliminated most of the pre-1965 music from the playlist and replaced it with inferior 70s stuff. We and got very few complaints. Just a few crochety senior citizens" said Lang. "And they're not in our demographic anyway." In July, Majic 102.7 will drop all pre-1971 music. Then in January 2006, music of the 1980s will be added, to entice generation-x'ers with the music of Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Devo, New Kids on the Block, Debbie Gibson, Prince. and especially the King, Michael Jackson. "Since The Beatles broke up in 1969 and Elvis died in '78, they will be phased out by 2006" added Lang. "Sorry, but that's showbiz!" Clear Channel Broadchasing Buys Microsoft (West Palm Beach -- April 1, 2000) ... In a bid to control all radio broadcasting in the Miami market AND on the Internet, Clear Channel Broadchasing bought a controlling interest in Microsoft today. It took advantage of depressed stock prices resulting from Microsoft's legal troubles. When asked whether it was ironic that Clear Channel Broadchasing was purchasing a company that had gotten into trouble because of its monopolistic ambitions, attorney Jackie Cool said "Nah! If they wanna use a computer, they gotta use Windows. If they want radio, it's Clear Channel." Reportedly, Clear Channel Broadchasing had surplus funds to invest because it had fired many of its best and most expensive talk hosts, a strategy used by Wayne Huizenga when he owned the Florida Marlins. An unnamed spokesflack denied reports that the company plans to propose a tax on hearing aids, TV sets, and theatre tickets to fund the purchase of the last remaining radio stations it does not own in southeast Florida. This apparently was inspired by Marlins owners' inappropriate attempts to get a tax on cruise tickets or increased downtown parking fees to fund a stadium, rather than the obvious, logical sources: investments by team owners or a tax on baseball tickets, parking, and souvenirs. Craig Crossman's New Invention (April 1, 2005) ... Computer whiz Craig Crossman, host of the syndicated nightly Computer America radio program and newspaper columnist, is developing a TV substitute that can be attached to eyeglasses and sends the signal right to the brain. The tentative name for this product is EyePod. Remember, this is the 2011 APRIL FOOL'S EDITION! But the ADS are real. Please CLICK or even BUY! John Kerry Viciously Attacks Pro-Bush Bias of FCC (Washington, DC -- April 1, 2004) ... Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry railed before congress today, claiming that the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) has been exhibiting an illegal pro-Bush bias for three years, and should be disbanded and replaced immediately. The South Florida Radio Pages need your support! Please click the button above to donate via PayPal. Thank you! "Current rules for radio and TV stations" said Kerry, "require them to announce their call letters, every single hour. For about half the stations in the US, that means saying 'dubya' at the top of each hour. This is wrong and protects the moneyed interests at the expense of the working people." Kerry ended his speech with a Dean-like "bleauugh!" When questioned, Kerry said that permanently renaming the stations west of the Mississippi -- so that KABC would become Kerry-ABC, for example -- would be an acceptable solution. 2007 APRIL FOOLS EDITION of Radio News

Clear Channel's Burtations Flip (April 1, 2011) ... Clear Channel has flipped stations in several markets to an "All Burtations, All The Time" format and is considering the switch on underperforming stations in the Miami and WPB markets. Clear Channel Reveals Real Reason For Zeta Format Change (April 1, 2005) ... An unconfirmed rumor from an unnamed deep cover source in Clear Channel management today revealed the reason for WZTA's switch from rock to Spanglish. "It's the only way we could get out of Lex and Terry's contract!" Surprises In Music Survey (Tallahassee, FL -- April 1, 2005) ... An informal poll of oldies stations in Florida has determined that once again, "Your Hair Is The Color of Tomato Soup, April Fool" is the most requested song on April 1.

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